<sup>We're Made Complete...


16</sup> I pray that from His glorious, unlimited resources He will empower you with inner strength through His Spirit. ¹⁷ Then Christ will make His home in your hearts as you trust in Him. Your roots will grow down into God’s love and keep you strong. ¹⁸ And may you have the power to understand, as all God’s people should, how wide, how long, how high, and how deep His love is. ¹⁹ May you experience the love of Christ, though it is too great to understand fully. Then you will be made complete with all the fullness of life and power that comes from God. –

I remembered black skies, the lightning all around me
I remembered each flash as time began to blur
Like a startling sign that fate had finally found me
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide

There was nothing in sight but memories left abandoned
There was nowhere to hide, the ashes fell like snow
And the ground caved in between where we were standing
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes across this new divide

In every loss, in every lie, in every truth that you'd deny
And each regret and each goodbye was a mistake too great to hide
And your voice was all I heard that I get what I deserve

So give me reason to prove me wrong, to wash this memory clean
Let the floods cross the distance in your eyes
Give me reason to fill this hole, connect the space between
Let it be enough to reach the truth that lies across this new divide
Across this new divide, across this new divide

Galatians 2:20    -我們活著不該是為自己-

20 I have been crucified with Christ and I no longer live, but Christ lives in me. The life I live in the body, I live by faith in the Son of God, who loved me and gave himself for me.

20 我已經與基督同釘十字架．現在活著的、不再是我、乃是基督在我裏面活著．並且我如今在肉身活著、是因信　神的兒子而活、祂是愛我、為我捨己。

Not sure if it was 'cos I've went back to face God and myself again, things are kinda heading towards a better path.  Grandma's health is somewhat sustaining, her moods seem to be more stable and she's been approved of the meds that she needed....then I got a couple orders for new high-spec Gaming PC's, a job interview coming up for a Level II Helpdesk technician.  And the dynamics between me and parents and sis seem to be getting better as well.  Due to these factors my thoughts are also getting more positive.  Are things finally getting better?  I don't know.  But I do know that I'm the only one that can do something about my life.  I need to be more....I don't know what to write anymore...what the fudge lol gtg~

2008 was not a good year for me.  The explosive headaches revealed a cyst turning tumor followed by a surgery.  Then I lost my job not too long after that.  And when I had a good opportunity for a position at a big company my blood sugar shot up to 724 which led me to be hospitalized for 3 days in the ER, and the opportunity slipped by me.  But of course, this particular incident was my own doing, the consequences of my own foolish actions that I've suffered and accepted.  However, the fact that I actually survived through it made me realize that perhaps God does have a bigger purpose for me, so it was not my time to go yet so I decided that I should go back to God and Church, to face myself and this faith once again.  Since I was recovering, I started freelancing PC repairs and building custom PC's.  After landing a couple big jobs I thought God has resumed my blessings again, as the cash was good and I had fun doing what I love.  When all seemed steady and well, grandma's health suddenly took a deep dive in January, 2009.  The veins in her left eye ball popped due to diabetes which rendered it nearly blind and it led to eye infections that causes discomfort, uncontrollable tears and pain.  At the end of that same month, she took a fall on her lower right ribs due to her worsened knees and bad eye, it left a large area of bruise and a pain in the ribs that never went away.  I took her to over a dozen doctor appointments and two trips to X-Rays, 3 trips to CAT-Scans but all the results came back clean.  No doctors could tell why she's having pain in the lower right ribs.  Since then I had to spend more time with her because she just can't help but keep going into the backyard to find something to do.  I prayed for her, talked to her more frequently while dealing with several other issues of my own.  Soon I stopped going to Church again, and I can't even recall when I stopped praying.  And at around the same time my Federal Aid got rejected with no reasons given.  The plan to get my IT certification fubar'ed.

Then in March, aunt Jennifer had to go back to Taiwan for an eye surgery for a month, and during that period I had to watch grandma even more closely.  She'd have frequent late night leg cramps, blood in droppings, non-stop severe coughing...this forced me to sleep 3 to 4 hours day.  A whole month of exhaustion came to an end when aunt came back to share the weight.  This was April, when all my business suddenly stopped.  So I started the job-hunt again, then my car broke down, as if all that was not enough to knock me over.

Aside from these things, some brothers and sisters have continued to show me support throughout the months.  They have visited me and encouraged me at times which I'm truly grateful for.  Thank you guys and I'm sure God will bless your lives abundantly.

Right now I'm pretty lost, not sure which way to go.  Should I just get a whatever job for that pathetic income?  Take classes at a community college which doesn't really help me in getting my IT Specialist certification?  What if something happens to grandma while I'm at work or in class?  I can't have that on my conscience...I will not be able to live with the regrets.  So what do I do?  Go back to Church?  How does that even help?  I certainly hope God will soon show me the direction and guide me there.  I'm more than willing to be back on Your path.  But where are You?

<Linkin Park>

I had nothing to say
And I get lost in the nothingness inside of me
(I was confused)
And I let it all out to find
That I’m not the only person with these things in mind
(Inside of me)
But all the vacancy the words revealed
Is the only real thing that I’ve got left to feel
(Nothing to lose)
Just stuck/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own


I wanna heal, I wanna feel what I thought was never real
I wanna let go of the pain I’ve felt so long
(Erase all the pain till it’s gone)
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m close to something real
I wanna find something I’ve wanted all along
Somewhere I belong

And I’ve got nothing to say
I can’t believe I didn’t fall right down on my face
(I was confused)
Looking everywhere only to find
That it’s not the way I had imagined it all in my mind
(So what am I)
What do I have but negativity
’Cause I can’t justify the way, everyone is looking at me
(Nothing to lose)
Nothing to gain/ hollow and alone
And the fault is my own, and the fault is my own


I will never know myself until I do this on my own
And I will never feel anything else, until my wounds are healed
I will never be anything till I break away from me
I will break away, I'll find myself today


I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
I wanna heal, I wanna feel like I’m somewhere I belong
Somewhere I belong

John 13:34

A new command I give you: Love one another. As I have loved you, so you must love one another.

John 13:35

"By this all men will know that you are my disciples, if you love one another."

Romans 12:10

Be devoted to one another in brotherly love. Honor one another above yourselves.

Romans 13:8

Let no debt remain outstanding, except the continuing debt to love one another, for he who loves his fellowman has fulfilled the law

Ephesians 4:2

Be completely humble and gentle; be patient, bearing with one another in love.

1 Peter 1:22

Now that you have purified yourselves by obeying the truth so that you have sincere love for your brothers, love one another deeply, from the heart.

1 Peter 3:8

Suffering for Doing Good

Finally, all of you, live in harmony with one another; be sympathetic, love as brothers, be compassionate and humble.

1 Meanwhile, when a crowd of many thousands had gathered, so that they were trampling on one another, Jesus began to speak first to his disciples, saying: “Be on your guard against the yeast of the Pharisees, which is hypocrisy.

2 There is nothing concealed that will not be disclosed, or hidden that will not be made known. 3 What you have said in the dark will be heard in the daylight, and what you have whispered in the ear in the inner rooms will be proclaimed from the roofs.

4 “I tell you, my friends, do not be afraid of those who kill the body and after that can do no more. 5 But I will show you whom you should fear: "Fear" him who, after the killing of the body, has power to throw you into hell. Yes, I tell you, fear him. 6 Are not five sparrows sold for two pennies? Yet not one of them is forgotten by God. 7 Indeed, the very hairs of your head are all numbered. Don’t be afraid; you are worth more than many sparrows.

8 “I tell you, whoever acknowledges me before men, the Son of Man will also acknowledge him before the angels of God. 9 But he who disowns me before men will be disowned before the angels of God. 10 And everyone who speaks a word against the Son of Man will be forgiven, but anyone who blasphemes against the Holy Spirit will not be forgiven.

11 “When you are brought before synagogues, rulers and authorities, do not worry about how you will defend yourselves or what you will say, 12 for the Holy Spirit will teach you at that time what you should say.”

"Sometimes, we just need someone to show us what we cannot see, and our lives will change forever for the better."

Walking the worldly path alone so cold
Sharp as swords the winds that blow
Harsh and unforgiving down that road
I fell and fell with nothing to behold
Darkness trapped me like a black hole
And my sins caged me like the death row
Shattered, my life saw no hope
Broken-hearted who could I show

Every step I took only met more obstacle
And every moment I wished only for a miracle

Oh Lord please save me free my soul
'Cos I don't wanna be a prisoner no mo'
Let Your Spirit cleanse me of my all
Take me with You now, I go
Oh Lord please have mercy on my soul
'Cos I feel in me Your love grow
With You wherever I will follow
Grant me Your Grace I behold

Oh Lord let Your Salvation hug my soul
And upon Your Throne I will bestow
Oh Lord I shall offer You my all
'Cos You Lord, have made me whole

A psalm of David.  

 1 The LORD is my shepherd, I shall not be in want.

 2 He makes me lie down in green pastures,
       he leads me beside quiet waters,

 3 he restores my soul.
       He guides me in paths of righteousness
       for his name's sake.

 4 Even though I walk
       through the valley of the shadow of death, ^[a]
       I will fear no evil,
       for you are with me;
       your rod and your staff,
       they comfort me.

 5 You prepare a table before me
       in the presence of my enemies.
       You anoint my head with oil;
       my cup overflows.

 6 Surely goodness and love will follow me
       all the days of my life,
       and I will dwell in the house of the LORD
       forever.

Amen.

In this farewell
There’s no blood
There’s no alibi
‘Cause I’ve drawn regret
From the truth
Of a thousand lies

So let mercy come
And wash away
What I’ve done

I'll face myself
To cross out what i’ve become
Erase myself
And let go of what i’ve done

Put to rest
What you thought of me
While I clean this slate
With the hands of uncertainty

So let mercy come
And wash away
What.... I’ve.... done....

For what I’ve done
I'll start again
And whatever pain may come
Today this ends
I’m forgiving what I’ve done!!!

What I’ve done
Forgiving what I’ve done

Truth without God's love, is not truth; love without God's truth is not love.

Truth is often harsh, it reveals what people fear and conflict with many people's words and actions as well as beliefs.  Truth is critical to spiritual growth and strength, and bearing the fruits of the Spirit.  However, God's love is essential to truth otherwise it becomes nothing more than a sharpened double-edged sword which will hurt everyone.  This is because God's love is always accepting, forgiving, unselfish, tender, patient and unfailing.

Love is a big word that covers a lot of aspects, everyone has a different definition of love but God's love is completely different from the love of the flesh.  What each of us living in this world has come to learn about love is meaningless before God.  Love of the flesh is often selfish, expecting, impatient, emotional, unforgiving and lacking the essence of truth.  So love without God's truth is no longer love, but rather an emotion baggage of the flesh which can easily destroy a human soul.

I've been taught yet another hard lesson...

曾是高傲冷漠的唯我獨尊
此時也被敗陣
當意志開始消沉
卻看見下凡的天神
教我明白什麼是真
聖血洗淨了我靈魂
傳說神話穿透了緣份
天使之羽揮去了落塵
而百魄也終回歸鬥陣
成就我不死之身